Scottish Beauty

This is such a tease. A documentary about the beauty biz, exposing the extraordinary lengths people go to achieve a more perfect look, should be as fascinating as it is bizarre.

Shot almost entirely at one of those trade fairs on a huge exhibition space, Helen Graham and Rosie Ellison's film touches on things rather than investigates in depth. And what it touches is so extraordinary, especially for a bloke who thinks aftershave is overdoing it.

"People will buy anything to be beautiful," a chic brunette at one of the stalls says. And, of course, she's right. You want the filmmakers to pick out that word "anything" and elaborate. There's enough weird stuff on offer. Show weird!

The best they come up with is a dodgy-looking fella who massages "without hands", which means crawling all over the prone figure of a woman, rubbing her with his arms and behaving in a decidedly comic and/or sexual manner.

The film is a tease, because it leaves you wanting more.

Isn't that a good thing? Well, most women prefer climax to arousal, don't they? As for guys, they think this kind of malarky is a ring-a-ding-ding.