Donkey Punch

Three girls are on holiday in Spain. They meet up with four guys, and head out to sea on a yacht. Plenty of sex and drugs follow, then everything takes a violent turn.

Donkey Punch is the worst film I've seen in a long time. Once you realise the title isn't metaphorical, the whole film writes itself. It's all thoroughly predictable: death by donkey punch, dump the body, some people kick up a fuss, kill off the others one by one using things around the yacht, then one person survives. (These aren't spoilers; you knew all this already). There's no tension, there's no doubt, there's no interest, there's no concern.

The characters make stupid decisions, but because they're all so unlikeable, the audience is unwilling to suspend disbelief. The dialogue is feeble, lacking either dramatic fear or knowing campness. Without a hint of irony, characters proclaim "I AM hardcore" and "One of us has to run through this glass door".

Donkey Punch is reasonably well made. It has a layer of slickness and the actors do the best they can with the weak script. This doesn't come anywhere near saving the film from itself though. The only thing Donkey Punch has going for it is that it's been labelled the vilest film ever by the Daily Mail. (Don't be tempted to see it because of that - it's just a substandard horror film). Ignorant outrage is enjoyable; Donkey Punch is a waste of time.

If you want a thriller at sea, watch Dead Calm. If you want gory deaths, watch any horror film. If you want naked people, watch porn (you'll also get a more involving plot too).